wouldn't you agree...just when everything in your world couldn't get any worse- or if things couldn't get any better, life steps up to the plate and gets thrown a curve-ball.
BAM- instantly. your universe gets turned upside down.
you didn't see it coming. never in a million years would you have saw this one.
even the psychic that you consulted last year at canyon ranch, who you so admirably sought after to have the answers to all your "next years" questions about life, love and of course, work- didn't even mention this would happen.
not that these things are all too new. somewhere- past, present or future- you'll find yourself faced with one of these curve-balls. could be anything really. doesn't even have to happen to you.
all it takes...one second. and everything changes.
back in november, my sister came home unhappy for thanksgiving. she was going through one of those awful long-term college breakups that never, ever made any sense when it came to why you stuck around...
"danielle, remember when mom said you cant marry someone who doesn't share a similar background?"
yes- my mom had given us loads of these little tid-bits of information while we were growing up- never beat it into our heads or anything...but said things that would make us think for ourselves. maybe not a give and take mentality... but a give and figure out what to do with it ordeal.
"yeah.."
"well, i don't think me and this boy could ever be together, were just too different. the way he is, we never did that- i would never do that"
it had been a silver lining for her in my mind. she knew this kid wasn't "the one"- (i mean, hell- if the guy forgets to take you to the airport for your flight home, breaks your door down, and constantly criticizes you...GET OUT). its probably what she had been telling herself for some time. but as most of those types of relationships always played out...she was stuck.
i knew her head was in the right place. all that was left was what she was going to do about it. but she didn't do anything about it. it was off too far in the future to consider at that moment.
then life threw her a curve-ball.
upon her arrival the next month for christmas, her world squeegeed its way out of being "stuck" for so long. but at a cost- she found herself lost. what became comfortable, familiar, manageable was gone instantly. this boy had found a way to rip every ounce of life out of my sister.
a wreck? yeahhh, you could say that. finding strength to hold it together for the 3 hour plane ride back home the night after the breakup threw my mom and i for a loop-hole when we picked her up.
(i can say this, because i've never seen someone not touch their portillos)
it was sad, because i knew exactly what she was going though and i knew how long it would take to figure out how to put the pieces back together, only this time by herself.
the curve-ball wasn't the break-up...it was figuring out how to relive her own life at that moment in time. my sister's curve-ball brought her back to the present to help her realize all the things she could do without being held back.
for me...well, maybe a little different.
i would be lying to you if i said i wasn't in the best place possible about a year ago.
not the kind of bad place where you end up the the last 2 people in the news about the metra (which was awful!...never would that happen)
more so the kind of place where you just cant figure it out yet.
nonetheless, "stuck."
over the span of a year, i had managed to find myself in a cluster of wacky occurrences that got me stuck believing one thing so much, that i totally missed reality. i became too cautious, which left me stuck trying to figure out what to do next. i didnt know what i was doing right, if anyone besides my family and friends who could ever understand me, or if i would wind up where i needed to be.
i spent the time worrying about what was going to happen to me in the future that i missed everything good in the present.
the roles of sisterly advice were reversed as our phone calls became random pep-talks ranging from moving out of the house to finding someone who wasn't going to take advantage of me.
i moved out of the past and i eventually joined back up with reality. i filed away the bad can kept the good, and threw caution out the window.
i knew exactly who i was, and what i wanted- there was no reason to think anything else. the present was exactly what i needed. so much so that i knew what was going to do about moving out and that i could do away with the boy who wanted nothing to do with me.
as long as i could remember- i was advised to slow down, not to rush things. the whole "better safe than sorry" cautious approach, or "don't get too caught up" mumbo-jumbo.
yes, it seems as if i've always kept that in the back of my head for anything. i took risks, yes- but i always outweighed the risks with cautious advice so i wouldn't get hurt.
taking caution sounded like the right thing to do - felt like the right thing to do- especially the way my life had unfolded in a year
and then the curve-ball was thrown.
the "proceed with caution" sigh was instantly knocked down in one moment. it seemed that i could not control the true power of my emotions.. for the first time ever, my brain was trumped by my heart.
it took one day. and after that, i couldn't look back.
most of us know fairly quickly when something like that happens, in spite of how we're all told we should feel...
that you're suppose to wait, its too soon. that someone will get scared or that maybe you don't feel the same way. that if you wait long enough, something amazing will happen. that if i waited for the perfect moment, everything would work out.
i thought i had it all figured it...
until the universe threw me this curve-ball.
sure- i could still be cautious, but embracing the fact you've fallen for someone...why should caution ever hold you back? what would be the point of living life if you didn't take those kinds of risks?
ahhhh- yes, the curve-ball is a life changing experience. and its true that making a big life change is scary. but its even more true that regret is a whole lot scarier.
you can make the argument that "unexpected" curve-balls happen when we become disappointed in our expectations not being fulfilled. like all of a sudden the curve-ball happens and you finally realize, holy shit- what is this? how did this happen? what am i doing? who are you? that's not me? its seems today people have so many expectations for the future that it clouds the whole idea of the present moment in time.
because you have been living in the future, you missed what was going on around you...what was happening in the present. you created a picture of what things are suppose to be like. before you know it, you're universe got turned upside down.
not to say that you shouldn't have expectations for your future- you absolutely should. but its only an expectation, its not reality.
and that thing they call love...it has no expectations, or limitations.
when life throws you the curve-ball you'd do well to embrace every moment of it. whether its good or bad- there's no surprise that after it happens you grow and learn a little more.
but whose to say that i have it all right? if one curve-ball could happen, whose to say another one is yet to follow? i know i don't, and i will never know for sure. but that's the risk I'm willing to take. its scary, but i would never regret a second of it.
besides,
if it scares you- it might be a good thing to try anyway.
that is all.
