11/19: holyy-holidays

yes. holy-shit...the holidays.

no surprise- they're back.

if you are like me and have been ignoring 93.9's Christmas music since Nov. 1, hobby lobby's Christmas ornaments on display since Halloween and oh yeah...have just starting telling yourself this morning "what- thanksgiving is on Thursday?"

well...merry holiday season!

while you were sleeping- the hell that is the holidays crept up on you and sprinkled magic fairy dust, allowing you to smell the Yankee holiday candles from Yorktown mall and see the wonderful professional holiday light decorations down the street.

making you somewhat cringe and say "why do they have their lights out already?"

not to mention the carol of commercials that all of a sudden appeared on your TV with warnings that the best holiday door-busters are not actually on black Friday, but on thanksgiving while your eating. not to mention the wonderful Christmas tunes that you hear when your half-passed out trying to watch season re-runs of true-life.

(i do love Hersey kisses- just not as bells wrapped up in red and green foil playing We Wish You a Merry Christmas at 1 am)

don't get me wrong- theres nothing more exciting than family, food, and seasonal festivities that is the holidays. just not the chaos that goes around outside the days of Nov. 22, Dec. 25, and Dec. 31.

for one...thanksgiving. (my all time favorite holiday)

possibly one of the rudest awakenings of the holidays there are.

so you have Halloween- then all of a sudden...BAM, theres a turkey in your fridge, and you open up our garbage to discover all the uneaten candy that's been hibernating in your freezer for the past 3 weeks.

every year (or at least for the past several years) my mom hosts thanksgiving at our house. usually around 20 people, some random guest my mom decides doesn't have family and adopts for dinner, between 5-10 grown men all competing for the best looking mustache, paddle ball, football, and loads of beer. a 2 day event that leaves us pretty pumped for the next round come Christmas, until it actually comes. 

and of course...every year i continue to tell my mom "why do you host thanksgiving, you know it just stresses you out..." (i usually don't get much after that)

the last 4 years being away at school...i guess i kind of forgot what actually goes on the weekend before everyone arrives. well, i kept that same level of stress in mind and made sure i was out of the house all weekend.  why...?

well, let me tell you- my mom's vacuum cleaner becomes godzilla. it starts from the basement and moves it way upstairs, demolishing everything in its path. if there is so-help-us...one speck of dust on the carpet, you better believe that that vacuum cleaner has demolished it. you name it- the vacuum cleaner has conquered it....drawers, the oven, the outside deck, cans of soup, plants...yeah- its been there. 

and if you even think of sneaking into the arrangements of Costco products that are chillin in your refrigerator before the big day- you might get some comment that hints you ruined the appetizers.

by Saturday night- the table is completely set (only to be moved around in the coming days until just perfect) and all the furniture has been moved around to fit the swarm of people that will be there.

i usually scratch my head at the fact that one chair can be moved 8 different times to a different spot of a house and get asked "does it look good here?" (mom, its a chair- someone is only going to sit in it.) or if the screens out of the windows make the house look brighter. (sure?)

my mom is on a rampage to make the house suitable for people who are only going to be thinking- "is the turkey ready yet"

while my mom is out fighting dust and assortments of dinner dishes, im in my room (which surprisingly has not been touched by the vacuum only because its been named a hazardous waste sight, which really only has one or two piles of cloths on the floor).

little do people know, my sister and i make the holidays a game:

seeing who can eat the most out of our thanksgiving tri-fecta, if you ate every one of Nana's fish courses at Christmas, who got what for who, who is going to calm down mom first, tell dad we want to play football instead of eating more, who emptied the dishwasher last, how many times each we are told that god is watching us by our grandmother, if we can recall the last year our other grandmother even came to thanksgiving, and who can hold their sanity by 1am when everyone comes home drunk and starts to play ping-pong.

being kids of a divorce- you have to go through holiday stuff..not once...but twice!

yes. 2 turkeys. 2 family gatherings. 2 Christmas dinners. 2 gift unwrapping. 2 church visits. everything in 2s. it sounds all peaches and cream, especially the 2 presents part- but its not.

this year and last year my dad has thankfully made it simple and stuck to a bunch instead of his version of thanksgiving dinner consisting of individual cornish hens and his flavor of the month (girlfriend's) family dinner..all before 4pm when we go to our moms for dinner. (3 thanksgivings!)

and once you cant fit one more bit of turkey-something in your stomach, thanksgiving has ended. only to be followed by 2 more holidays.

its like a never ending cycle- vicious to say the least. it actually might suck the life out of you (well, if your my mom). but after that, you will spend the weekend recovering- head back to work, school, whatever until you realize...its not over- its just started.

why is that? Christmas. time to get your ass to the mall. because once you have made your final vows that you cannot eat one more leftover- you better believe your mom has already exchanged all your fall stuff for an endless supply of wreaths, garland, Christmas trees, and a 6 man set of Santa's that will creepily look at you on your way to the bathroom, the fridge, and while your watching tv.

your turkeys will be exchanged for holiday ham- or in my dads case, 20 different types of fish. you will race to get everyone something that will cost about 20 bucks each (maybe 40 if you really liked that person that year) and get your dog a holiday bone. you will pray that there will be a snow day, or at the very least some form of snow. you will double check to make sure your stocked up on champagne because morning mimosas are a must, and of course, catch a few flicks on 25 Days of Christmas.

next round of family fun- coming right up.

but don't worry- after that you can unwind. why? because new years eve you will be getting hammered. there wont be a care in the world. you will party all night long- get asked about what your new years resolution is and probably wont remember a whole lot after that cab ride home. you'll wake up remembering telling someone that your awful new years resolution was working out- which wont happen. and like all other holiday's- you will have a horrible hangover. 

you'll be starting off your new year in bed (or on someones floor)- watching tv with a bottle of asprin and water- wondering when your friends will wake up because all you want is bacon.

but no matter what you will be happy. its a brand new year.

take a deep breath right now...because come Thursday- the holidays have begun! have fun all. that is it.

11/8: the great escape

i would like to tell you that at some moment in your life you will have at least one epiphany.

im not religious at all, really- so nothing i say is going to have any correlation with some divine being like they say when epiphanies happen. no- they happen for you- for yourself, by yourself.

with that aside, i do believe that an epiphany is something divine in itself...

its that moment where you finally, after all this time have figured something out.

you have finally found the meaning of something, a path to find that something, or have finally figured out that theres more you can do...

that everything right now...is just not "it"

its a break-through, a realization, an "ah ha" moment, a solution, an innovative idea, a deeper acknowledgment, a discovery, an adventure, a light-bulb that goes off in your head, a "click"

-something, anything that makes you take that one giant leap somewhere, anywhere- suddenly.

it's brought about by something simple or timely, through an occurrence or an experience.
but whatever it is...it brings out some sort of courage, understanding, or great adventure that you never thought you were capable of.

i have had two true epiphanies so far.

my first- was the day after i got back from spain the summer before my junior year in college.

i had spent two weeks visiting family i had never met, and seeing places i had never heard of. places where running with bulls was just as common as being covered in wine. i had no expectations for the trip other than to live vicariously through the movie "sisterhood of the traveling pants"...but without the sister, and without the pants.

it was one of those trips where not going with the flow would have landed me out on the other side of the window, looking in on all the fun.

jumping off cliffs, watching my step brother tackle a bush, passing a fat one around a pool while attempting to throw peanuts in a floating can, being stuck in the trunk of a clown car, the world cup and street riots with waterfalls, long nights, fireworks, people, places, and family- i never looked in on the fun.

i got back- and out of no where- my epiphany.

....i needed to go back. 

right then and there, i didn't care what any one was going to tell me, i didn't know how it was going to happen, where the money was going to come from, if id be alone- but i was going to go back. i needed to. it was something i needed to do for myself. if i didn't, i would regret it forever.

at that moment i had realized that the experience i had just had didn't have to be it. it didn't have to end. it was only just the beginning...

within 4 months of Spain i was back...only in the Netherlands. (i told you, i was going to find a way)

my first epiphany allowed me to take one giant leap into an unknown world with courage i never thought i had. 

so what got me on the topic of epiphanies you ask?

well...one of my best friends told me today she had an epiphany. i knew it was a true epiphany because it reminded me of mine, only a different situation. i asked her what it was...

"well basically, it was: why the fuck am i here. i could be anywhere in the entire world. i could be doing anything. i could be swimming in the ocean right now. or skiing or teaching or something, whatever. why am i trying to start a career? it's not going to happen right now. i honestly think i am better off working in a restaurant in some place where i am really happy and experiencing life, than i am sitting at a computer all day for free and starting a "career." i can come back to my career whenever. i will probably have way better chances if i came back to it rejuvenated rather than plug along with no direction like i'm doing."

and there it was. the epiphany.

the break-through, the light-bulb- the moment when you realize that life is what you make it and there so much more that you can do for yourself. there is a solution. there is a way.

....its the beginning. the start of an adventure. the great escape.

and she found it.

i guess every one's epiphanies are different. maybe they're like snowflakes? the same idea, but no two are alike. nothing short of remarkable to say the least!

if one moment can be the beginning to something new, something huge- life altering and brilliant, wouldn't you say its a divine? maybe.

so here's my questions to you...

if perceptions lead to behaviors, can our epiphanies bring adventure into our lives?

absolutely. i know for a fact that we can make the choice to do anything we want.

to leave the nest, to love, to grow up, to be with the person you want to be with, to travel, exercises, stay in bed, get the job, cut your hair, move to california whatever- we can actually make that choice come alive. that one little epiphany- its sustainable, and ever-deepening.

i realized from my second epiphany i decided i wanted to bring love alive, not simply as a mysterious experience beyond my control but as a living principle.

i figure every ones lives are so different and complex that maybe an epiphany hasn't yet struck- or maybe it has and you can relate to this in some way? remember...snowflakes.

i guess no matter what, if you have or have not had an epiphany- they happen. and when they do, you act upon it.

its a beginning. its the great escape. and its not just "it."

11/1: king of kostner

remember those drives with my dad i was talking about earlier? you know, the on-the-verge-of-death car rides...

well, im going to give you a slight sub-story to those morning drives.

again- you may think im kidding. believe me- i thought it was a joke too. until i actually saw it.

it was the night before i started my job- and really what the hell was i suppose to think a morning drive would be like? a cup of coffee, music, and the beautiful slums of chicago via an open window until smell of broccoli-sewage stated to take over?

besides my dads driving- yeah, nothing too out of the ordinary.

"oh so, yeah- it will be a good drive tomorrow. theres this guy i pass every morning whos boxing with a stick. i call him the "king of kostner"- really cool dude. you'll see him."

(ok?...so im going to pass a statue of a boxer with a stick...is there some sort of story behind this, dad?)

i'll be brutally honest about the Kostner Ave area...its a shit-hole.

by the time you hit the second gas station you might see prostitutes or crack-heads, and extreme loitering outside of the liquor store as if it were black friday and the doors haven't opened yet. there are 3 burnt down buildings, an L stop, multiple boarded up houses, some shady business with barbed wire fences, and some sell-all convenient stores before you hit the highway.

(annnd really- this area isnt even that bad...im just painting the picture since some people have zero idea what im talking about)

so anyway- back to the story.

"the..king- of kostner?" (okay)

"yeah- don't worry, you'll see him"

in my head im envisioning some old 1960s statue of a Mohammad Ali boxer-type, holding a stick with some plaque explaining how he was born in the ghetto and became a star. only being given the name "the king" after he fought off his arch rival the next town over.

...clearly i misinterpreted this "statue" the next morning.

i had just about fallen asleep by the time we got halfway down kostener, dead set on the idea that theres no way im getting up at 5:30am again

"LOOK! THERE HE IS!"

(take me word for word on this...)

outside my window there is an old man- maybe in his late 60s, wearing a vest, some beat up shoes, and holding a staff- not a stick...a staff- throwing punches..giving uppercuts, and ducking to imaginary punches...all while walking along side kostner ave mumbling something to himself.

my dad gives a honk (which i later find out is part of his routine)

he proceeds to look up at my dad and i driving by and waves his Rafikki-like staff in the air, while pointing and shouting something that i would think would have sound like  "what the fuck are you honking at ass-hole"

no- not at all, the windows are rolled up.

"hahah, he does this every day! man, that guy has got to be in some great shape! did you see those moves he was throwing? that's why i call him the "king""

.........................................(aaaa- what....?)

my jaw was dropped. i wish i had a video- because literally me writing it doesn't even do itself justice. its a homeless man, probably on something, holding a staff and throwing punches into the air! every morning, every day, on the same street!

"dad. please don't tell me you honk at him everyday?"

"of course i do- ive talked to him a few times- hes just out here doing this thing"

(there was a slight moment where my train of thought shifted to my dad making friends with homeless people...but then i thought- no way)

well, this morning- i was wrong again.

stopped at a stop light there he was on the corner, boxing his way to the opposite side of the street. (my dad rolls down his window)

"hey! so when are you going to be the champion?" (like it was some ongoing joke between them)

he starts walking closer, still boxing...

"im out here fighting ghetto-trash all day!"

(nooo way- i couldn't tell whether i wanted to laugh- so i just partially dropped my jaw- trying not to look like i had just seen a naked man run across the street)

"well all right, man- you take it easy!"

he smiles, you see about 8 teeth- "you know i will" and he resumes boxing.

for the last 4 months i have watched this man box his way up and down the street, wondering what makes him want to do this every morning, and this was the first time i had heard him speak (yes, about "ghetto. trash") and i couldn't help but think...

man- this guy really is just out here doing his thing.

so i soaked that in for a minute. it was an experience. and i could think nothing else of it. here was a man who yes- may be a homeless Rocky out fighting ghetto-trash on kostner ave... but he did it everyday.

it was his thing and he loved doing it.

...i think that's why they call him "the king"

that is all.