yes. holy-shit...the holidays.
no surprise- they're back.
well...merry holiday season!
while you were sleeping- the hell that is the holidays crept up on you and sprinkled magic fairy dust, allowing you to smell the Yankee holiday candles from Yorktown mall and see the wonderful professional holiday light decorations down the street.
making you somewhat cringe and say "why do they have their lights out already?"
not to mention the carol of commercials that all of a sudden appeared on your TV with warnings that the best holiday door-busters are not actually on black Friday, but on thanksgiving while your eating. not to mention the wonderful Christmas tunes that you hear when your half-passed out trying to watch season re-runs of true-life.
(i do love Hersey kisses- just not as bells wrapped up in red and green foil playing We Wish You a Merry Christmas at 1 am)
don't get me wrong- theres nothing more exciting than family, food, and seasonal festivities that is the holidays. just not the chaos that goes around outside the days of Nov. 22, Dec. 25, and Dec. 31.
for one...thanksgiving. (my all time favorite holiday)
possibly one of the rudest awakenings of the holidays there are.
so you have Halloween- then all of a sudden...BAM, theres a turkey in your fridge, and you open up our garbage to discover all the uneaten candy that's been hibernating in your freezer for the past 3 weeks.
every year (or at least for the past several years) my mom hosts thanksgiving at our house. usually around 20 people, some random guest my mom decides doesn't have family and adopts for dinner, between 5-10 grown men all competing for the best looking mustache, paddle ball, football, and loads of beer. a 2 day event that leaves us pretty pumped for the next round come Christmas, until it actually comes.
and of course...every year i continue to tell my mom "why do you host thanksgiving, you know it just stresses you out..." (i usually don't get much after that)
the last 4 years being away at school...i guess i kind of forgot what actually goes on the weekend before everyone arrives. well, i kept that same level of stress in mind and made sure i was out of the house all weekend. why...?
well, let me tell you- my mom's vacuum cleaner becomes godzilla. it starts from the basement and moves it way upstairs, demolishing everything in its path. if there is so-help-us...one speck of dust on the carpet, you better believe that that vacuum cleaner has demolished it. you name it- the vacuum cleaner has conquered it....drawers, the oven, the outside deck, cans of soup, plants...yeah- its been there.
by Saturday night- the table is completely set (only to be moved around in the coming days until just perfect) and all the furniture has been moved around to fit the swarm of people that will be there.
i usually scratch my head at the fact that one chair can be moved 8 different times to a different spot of a house and get asked "does it look good here?" (mom, its a chair- someone is only going to sit in it.) or if the screens out of the windows make the house look brighter. (sure?)
my mom is on a rampage to make the house suitable for people who are only going to be thinking- "is the turkey ready yet"
while my mom is out fighting dust and assortments of dinner dishes, im in my room (which surprisingly has not been touched by the vacuum only because its been named a hazardous waste sight, which really only has one or two piles of cloths on the floor).
little do people know, my sister and i make the holidays a game:
seeing who can eat the most out of our thanksgiving tri-fecta, if you ate every one of Nana's fish courses at Christmas, who got what for who, who is going to calm down mom first, tell dad we want to play football instead of eating more, who emptied the dishwasher last, how many times each we are told that god is watching us by our grandmother, if we can recall the last year our other grandmother even came to thanksgiving, and who can hold their sanity by 1am when everyone comes home drunk and starts to play ping-pong.
being kids of a divorce- you have to go through holiday stuff..not once...but twice!
yes. 2 turkeys. 2 family gatherings. 2 Christmas dinners. 2 gift unwrapping. 2 church visits. everything in 2s. it sounds all peaches and cream, especially the 2 presents part- but its not.
this year and last year my dad has thankfully made it simple and stuck to a bunch instead of his version of thanksgiving dinner consisting of individual cornish hens and his flavor of the month (girlfriend's) family dinner..all before 4pm when we go to our moms for dinner. (3 thanksgivings!)
and once you cant fit one more bit of turkey-something in your stomach, thanksgiving has ended. only to be followed by 2 more holidays.
its like a never ending cycle- vicious to say the least. it actually might suck the life out of you (well, if your my mom). but after that, you will spend the weekend recovering- head back to work, school, whatever until you realize...its not over- its just started.
why is that? Christmas. time to get your ass to the mall. because once you have made your final vows that you cannot eat one more leftover- you better believe your mom has already exchanged all your fall stuff for an endless supply of wreaths, garland, Christmas trees, and a 6 man set of Santa's that will creepily look at you on your way to the bathroom, the fridge, and while your watching tv.
your turkeys will be exchanged for holiday ham- or in my dads case, 20 different types of fish. you will race to get everyone something that will cost about 20 bucks each (maybe 40 if you really liked that person that year) and get your dog a holiday bone. you will pray that there will be a snow day, or at the very least some form of snow. you will double check to make sure your stocked up on champagne because morning mimosas are a must, and of course, catch a few flicks on 25 Days of Christmas.
next round of family fun- coming right up.
but don't worry- after that you can unwind. why? because new years eve you will be getting hammered. there wont be a care in the world. you will party all night long- get asked about what your new years resolution is and probably wont remember a whole lot after that cab ride home. you'll wake up remembering telling someone that your awful new years resolution was working out- which wont happen. and like all other holiday's- you will have a horrible hangover.
you'll be starting off your new year in bed (or on someones floor)- watching tv with a bottle of asprin and water- wondering when your friends will wake up because all you want is bacon.
but no matter what you will be happy. its a brand new year.
take a deep breath right now...because come Thursday- the holidays have begun! have fun all. that is it.
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