can i give you some advice? find someone who inspires you.
no, but really- you should.
relationships, friendships, whatever. find someone or something that inspires you.
when i was growing up i had never fully understood what it was like to live in a household that wasn't on the verge of being WWIII. i had never remembered a time where my parents loved each other or a moment where they showed it.
there was always a cop in the kitchen at 3am or an incident involving my dad attempting to throw the car at my mom. my sister and i had understood what chaos was before love by the time we were 7.
(-but when two people hate each other that much, hey...you might want to throw a car at them too) it wasn't that sad when they got divorced- somewhere in the back of our minds we knew it was a good thing.
it was no surprise that they both wanted to get it right the second time around. after 15 years, 1 marriage and a few heart breaks later, i think they're still both trying to figure it out.
i took my moms advice when she said find someone who compliments you. its great advice and theres no doubt in my mind that i had been trying in hopes that one day when i get married i don't get divorced. but it took me a few of my own relationships to notice that its not just that. you need to find someone who inspires you.
last night talking to one of my best friends got me thinking about it.
we were sitting at the Green Mill, talking over 2 beers across the bar from a crazy look-a-like of Zach Galifianakis, waiting for a concert to start. a beer and a half in- and we found ourselves on the topic of past relationships. practically growing up together- we had witnessed each others fair share of relationships, or had at least heard the countless stories of them.
no matter how many people we had had relationships with, we have yet to find that little bit of inspiration in someone to keep us coming back for more. (or find someone that could handle the idea that we drink straight from the milk carton). where were these people? why hadn't we found that one person who inspires us? were we ever going to?
i stumbled upon this article after a break-up with my ex once (no- not some cheap advice you get from Cosmo while waiting in line at the grocery store and no- i was not some sad sobby wreck of a girl). it was about the difference between attractions of deprivation and inspiration. (yes i googled "how to find love")
so what. it was really an eye-opener. up until then i had never really understood how much the lack of inspiration in someone could drag your relationship to the ground. for all the relationships i had found myself in at that point (friendships included)- i could not pick out a quality in them that made me feel inspired. no acceptance, decency to do good, or willingness to work with the things that make us who we are.
granted i was a little bummed that i hadn't been in love yet. and after countless make-ups and break-ups over my college days, it finally got to the point where i realized i had invested too much effort into trying to make something that was never going to work- work.
for as long as i could remember i was always a one-woman baseball team playing every position except the person at bat. they could hit the ball wherever they wanted it- and i responded- catching flys, making double plays, and if i got lucky i stuck them out. but it was all for the love of the game. i had convinced myself that the person at bat knew they wanted to hit it out to left field and score a home-run, but when it came down to pitching, they missed. every person i had ever dated missed the pitches i made. no one saw the curve ball in time to swing. plain and simple- i made plays. i have yet to find anyone who has kept me in the game long enough to switch-sides.
(okay- i don't get the baseball analogy)
talking to my friend- all the people i had dated didn't know what they wanted, they simply played the game. how are you suppose to be inspired by that? being inspired by someone fuels well-being for two people. the love i offered for people (the pitch) was always missed in certain ways, maybe never fully saw it, or wound up figuring out the pitch, but never making it to the base. and as much as i wanted to be the person at bat (the person receiving the same love)- well, sometimes one inning just goes on too long.
anyway.
in light of last night, and that little piece of advice from google- i had realized that there was a reason why none of my relationships with people ever worked, maybe even why other people's don't either. theres no inspiration.
everyone holds their own version of what their inspired by in a person. without that inspiration, were only going to revert back to that version of ourselves that continues to get hurt, or not find love.
i could tell my parents at one time complimented each other- but i don't think they could be in love with each other because they were never inspired by one another, and they will never be. its probably taken them forever to try to figure it out- if and only if they ever do. but i think that also kind of inspires me to make sure i find the right people in my life.
finding that inspiration in someone will only expand us in ways we never thought we could.
don't you want that? isn't that what you should be looking for in your relationships?
i'd like to think so. but hey- ive never been in love or have seen it, so hold my opinion objectively.
(i mean, i still think love is holding up a boom-box outside my window while playing Peter Gabriel).
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