10/4: sweet disposition

sweet disposition by the temper trap- possibly one of my favorite songs ever.

you can read about song lyrics and their meanings and try to apply them to you life but i never do. for some reason, every time i think of this song i think of the same thing...

love. but not just any love. love that builds slowly and gradually and just gets better and better.

say what you want and call me cheesy- but its true. 

but what is sweet disposition, really?

i mean...really it could be anything sweet. but it would have to be in your state of mind regarding something.

for me its just love.

i remember when i first heard this song i was watching a preview for 500 Days of Summer. the scene where Zooey Deschanel says..."there's no such thing as love- its fantasy" and Joseph Gorden Levitt says- "i think your wrong." (Que song).

if you've never had a feeling that love is real- maybe you should listen to this song. just saying.

there are so many moments where this song has played over and over in my head during certain times where i've gotten that feeling.

-that's when i know its real.

its funny to have a song be played in your head when you think of love. i'm sure most people get butterflies or turn red. nah- sweet disposition.

...its just a feeling of love and instantly it makes you feel even more sure of your minds state of happiness.

maybe i'll make you see it this way...

being abroad in Amsterdam there was one moment where "sweet disposition" came on my ipod riding my bike through the city. it had been one of the few days it didn't rain and everything was just clear. the people around me, the city, the history, the green in the trees, brick houses. at that moment, i knew that i loved this city. it was incredible. everything came together. even though i was completely alone in a city where i knew no one and nothing about- i felt at home.

another? i always get "sweet disposition" when im on a horse and no one is watching me ride. its a free feeling and that you can run anywhere, as fast as you want to go. your never solo, because that's all a horse wants to do too...be free and run. ive been riding my whole life, but every time i ride- i know that its better than the last ride. its something i love- and the love for it is only growing, making my rides better and better.

clear now? well, maybe.

these instances of sweet disposition- well those are continuous- they're the ones that will always be there when i go back to them and they'll always be around and keep happening.

but there was one moment where i don't yet know if i can ever get back.

last weekend. i had "sweet disposition" in a way ive never had it before. sweet disposition to the point where every part of the song just went through my head and at that moment- nothing else in the world could have mattered. it was happening- actually happening..."A moment of love, A dream, A laugh, A kiss."

to actually feel like my favorite song made sense! (hell yeah- of course everyone wants to get that about their favorite love song) but it was so much more than that. it was Amsterdam, horseback riding, running wild, driving in my car-windows down-blaring music, McDonald's breakfast when you wake up before 10, butterflies in your stomach, daisies, diving off a cliff...everything love.

if you ever have the opportunity to read the lyrics of the song and try to understand what was going on through my head- well you'll read it the exact way i was experiencing it.

i thought back to that scene in 500 Days of Summer...love wasn't a fantasy, it was something that's real...or at least could be real?

who knows. at least Joseph Gorden Levitt didn't know either. but it happened. and when sweet disposition happens again, i'll know its real.

for now- i have horses and waking up before 10am for McDonald's breakfast. i just hope that other sweet disposition feeling comes back.

as for today, that is it.