if your lucky to commute with your parents to work via car (even half the time)-2. you get to sleep in the car and fight last nights happy hour and/or lack of sleep
3. you avoid the CTA and parking
4. experience what your parents have been doing in the car for the last 30yrs without you
exciting? no of course not- your 22 years old and your driving with your dad...to work!
if i was 17 and i got a ride to school every morning it would be frowned upon- this is worse. but if im saving around 200 dollars a month, id say hey- smart. but...somewhere someones saying- "does your dad pick you up in front of the office too?" (no.)
it used to be the alarm at 11am and a 5 min put-on-cloths and run to class. now 6:30am, 20 min get-ready and a 1.5 hr commute with my ever-so-shocking dad through a traffic war where its every driver for himself (when i don't take the train, of course). 4 months later, im still alive.
i'll warn you- this is not Driving Ms. Daisy. theres nothing short of near death experiences, whiplash, tight turns, tire skids, engine revving, racial slur spitting goodness of my morning commute with my dad. the passenger seat has become my own peanut gallery of observation and entertainment. but then again..its 7am and i need a few of those to wake me up...
the notes- well they start here: at 50, my italian father (nicknamed dago-joe), a new car- streakless windows, a double shot of espresso with ice, Led Zeppelin on full volume, sunglasses on and 2 honks at 7:10am.
"hey dad." "so, how was your night, did you do anything?" usually amounting to a variation of:
1. "nope"
2. "i never do anything"
3. "went horseback riding"
4. "watched a movie"
5. "went to bed by 10"
"cool" (que Pink Floyd).
whats awesome is that our conversations only last 2 mins if and only if we actually talk the entire hour and a half. ive learned not to say a word while my dads driving or comment on the fact that he blows through 4 red lights a day on average. why? well because hes been driving to work alone for 30 years and has his routine down to a science. you have 3 options...
1. keep conversations to the 3-Ws: the weather, the weekend, work
2. don't speak, look out the window
3. sleep (watch out, you will be woken up by grinding stops or yelling)
we don't take the highway like normal drivers do on their morning commute. there is no way in HELL my dad would take the highway even if there was no one on the road. driving with my dad- we take "the back roads."
back roads: a combination of 30-40mph side streets in the direction of the city- usually involving Ogden Ave, Kostner, Roosevelt, I-290, Exit 28B, Ogden Ave, various streets in West Loop, Grand St., Clark St., Wells St., Illinois St. (please note shady areas, people smoking crack in cars, large crowds of people in streets from 6p-7p, photo enforced lights, trains, construction, men walking in the middle of the street with shopping carts of the weekends garbage goodies, and enormous pot holes) if anything gets in your way, increase speed to 50mph, or veer into oncoming traffic or sidewalks.
halfway down Ogden- my dad will start to play classical music on XM radio. by then the drive is already turning into a comedy...
mixed in with the endless lines of people trying to avoid cars making right and left hand turns on a 2 lane road you will get something in between curse words and vulgar comments- also not limited to racial slurs, all while listening to J.S. Bach's famous Brandenburg Concerto...
1. you fuck
2. what in the fuck do you think you are doing
3. look at this ass hole trying to get in front of me
4. look at this mexican, i see him all the time- some speedy gonzales
5. look at this guy- look at this guy! all a bunch of daredevils today
throw in a few n-words, a few more f-bombs, and a couple drive by death stares and you can safely say you've hit the half-way mark of your drive to or from work.
don't call your dad a racist- he will just say "theres a difference!" or "you have your car get a flat in this neighborhood and then tell me not to say that" or the famous "what- you saw that didn't you??" i tend not to question his judgement just because he grew up in mob-town chicago circa1960.
as you get closer to your destination you may start feel like you might be sick. make sure you don't eat anything until you get to work or have gotten home. all those tight turns, crash avoiding stops and random 0-50 spurts will be hard on your stomach for the first month. you may also want to rethink your morning coffee. (your dad can do it, but remember...hes a vet)
i want to say ive had some meaningful heart-to-hearts with my dad during our commutes. but so far all my life lessons have been narrowed down to...
1. learning how not to drive
2. how other people drive
3. how you should drive
4. how you need a horn (car horn) in life
5. "you never know what your going to get" (referring to traffic)
if your looking for a sentimental talk with your father...save it for dinner, or at the very least until your out of the car. confined spaces mixed with an unconventional atmosphere only lead to more gut-wrenching stops and 50mph peel-outs.
about 10 mins closer to your destination, the drive becomes a little more of joy ride where you may even be able to share a few laughs or laugh at some of your dads antics (unless your on a time crunch where speed and hardcore maneuvering become the only thing that matters).
its nice on the way home when i get to see how he texts and drives. its like watching ducks cross the street- he has no idea what to do. (common dad- its a 2:1 look-text ratio, its what all the kids are doing) its not so nice when your dad is single and your at a stop light. why? under those sunglasses he will look at all the women crossing the street and say "oh, shes pretty." (ew, get me out of this car- now)
if you have pissed my dad off at some point in life, have taken his "choice" parking spot, or are the lady that backed into him on my 2nd week of work- he will proceed to call you out for the person you are while pointing as you drive by. (note- do not be one of those people for you will be lectured on it everyday)
by the time the car enters the parking garage on the way to work or by the time you see the driveway of your house- the relief you will feel that you have survived a car ride will be enormous.
its no doubt that chicago drivers are their own species- but my dad...hes one of a kind. i don't understand the "your dad is awesome" comment, only because i see him doing this shit everyday and think hes crazy.
but- i guess it is a little awesome that he can make it to and from work without a scratch on his car or a pinched nerve in 1.5 hrs or less. appreciate your dad giving you a ride to work for these reasons...
1. its a free ride
2. its a free ride
3. its a free ride
and you also get to spend some time with your dad- even though he is a nut.
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